Q. Describe a custom from your country that you
would like people from other countries to adopt. Explain your choice, using
specific reasons and examples.
As Korea has a long history, there are many customs as well. We can find Korea's characteristic by these customs. Confucianism, superstitions, and feeling of affection are three big characteristics which we can find with our customs. Among these three characteristics, I think the most special feature that could decribe Korea is affection. There many different customs related to this affection between people. For instance, sharing food with others, call people with familiar appellation,and more. Above all, the custom which I would recommend other countries to adopt from Korea is the custom of sharing steamed rice cake garnished with adzuki beans when we move to other place or have special events.
First, steamed rice cake garnished with adzuki beans has a meaning of driving out an evil spirit. From long time ago, the adzuki beans had been treated as the food which can prevent devils from the people. Therefore, sharing steamed rice cake garnished with adzuki beans means having protection from evil spirits together. This idea will make people to be gathered and be more friendly.
In addition, not just because we share steamed rice cake garnished with adzuki beans, but sharing the food with neighbor still gives good impression to them. Then, we can have good relation with those people. There is a Korean proverb that 'a good neighbor is better than distant cousin.' As we can see from this proverb, Koreans consider the relationship between people important. That is why Korea is famous for strong community between people. I think this community spirit and deep attachment between Koreans are the best thing that other countries should adopt. These days, the society is becoming more individualized. As the individualism spread faster and faster, the attachment between people gets weaker and weaker. The indifference made by individualism caused people to be cold-hearted then before. Unconcern toward people has expanded with the flow of individualism and finally it arrives to the point of indifference toward the society itself. For example, because people do not care about others than before, the crime rate has highly increased than before. People do not help victims even though they are right in front of the outrage or accident. They take pictures and videos instead of helping them. The thought of individualism and indifference made our society harsh. To make our society warmer and prevent these crimes or accidents, it is important to get interest toward others. I believe that the custom of sharing steamed rice cake will be a good way to make a good relationship between people which could be the basis of making our society warmer.
To sum up, sharing the steamed rice cake garnished with adzuki beans has a good meaning by itself, and it could offer us the opportunity to have better relationship with others. Thesefore, I strongly believe that Korea's traditional custom of sharing steamed rice cake garnished with adzuki beans should be adopted to other countries which will be the solution to the world's problem about individualism.
Haeun!!
답글삭제I loved your essay!!
But I think it would be better if you change your second body a little.
You used the word "first", and I don't see any other word following.
Your essay was great though!
Hi there :)
답글삭제It's a nice essay.. xD I liked the originality of your idea.. I never thought someone would write about sharing rice cakes..
But while reading, that phrase "steamed rice cake garnished with adzuki beans.." I think it's too long.. It kinda cuts off the flow of the writing.. Maybe you could've just referred to it as "those[the] rice cakes" and it still would've made sense..
And maybe in the second body paragraph, the essay went too much into things other than sharing the rice cakes.. I mean, it kinda went on about individualism and crime rates, and the connection with rice cakes at the end of the paragraph felt a bit too sudden for me..
Other than that, nice writing! :)
Hi, I'm Kang Hoon from 10v2.
답글삭제The topic and the contents were very interesting.
But the paragraphs look unbalanced. The first body paragraph looks too short, and I think it needs an example. The second body paragraph seems too long. Your essay will be much better if you shorten and expand two paragraphs.
In addition, as Ben said, the word 'steamed rice cake garnished with adzuki beans' doesn't seem good. I'd rather suggest using short and simple word.
In overall, your essay is very interesting!I really enjoyed reading your post.:)
The custom of sharing food is of course, a great custom, since it does bring people together by creating a shared experience and opportunity to get to know one another. It is also one that can be found universally in all cultures, so I'm not sure how this could replace or be added to the already existing custom of sharing food already found, especially if the main selling point is about chasing away evil spirits.
답글삭제Organization is an issue as well, as your paragraphs are lopsided. The rant about modern post industrial society was what has caused this imbalance. You get sidetracked when you begin discussing the lack of close neighbourly ties now found in modern Korean society; your essay is more about reclaiming these lost traditions and way of life in Korea itself, as opposed to promoting something from Korea abroad. The latter is supposed to be the focus of your essay, the former being irrelevent to the discussion, or at best requiring only a brief mention.